Escape from Tomorrow review

Has a few interesting moments, but the whole thing is uncomfortable, and not in a good way. Highlights that made me give this a recommendation instead of just trashing it include the Small World sequence, anything with Spaceship Earth, and the Mexico sequence.

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure review

You might wonder why I gave this five stars, I'll tell you, ITS FUCKING INSANE. I almost died laughing during Chazz Palmentari's musical number.

The Phantom Menace Review review

Quite possibly the most legendary review of all time, I can't see anything topping this. Mike goes into insane detail on the flaws of Star Wars Episode 1 and makes really good points on the characters and their (lack of) roles in the film.

Foodfight! review

Fuck this movie. The animation makes me wanna puke, the writing makes "Movie 43" look like "Pulp Fiction", and the premise. Oh god the premise. The premise is basically the same as movies like "Roger Rabbit" or "Toy Story", except with corporate mascots and a billion times shittier.
Despite the film's shittiness Charlie Sheen's performance is actually pretty decent. Sheen voices a talking detective dog who looses his girlfriend. Now that's the end of anything good in this crap. His girlfriend in question is a horrifying abomination voiced by Hillary Duff created by furries who failed their class on computer animation. Then we have his best friend/sidekick, an annoying shitcorn squirrel voiced by Wayne Brady. The squirrel is made of chocolate, which is the target of many race jokes in the film. However the most baffling of them all is Christopher Loyd as the villain, he is quite possibly the most horrifying CGI character in the history of cinema.
Now lets get to the "animation". The animation is the worst I've ever seen in any CGI film, even "Ratatoing" had better animation than this garbage. Now I know this was in development for over a decade but that is no excuse, I've seen seen Sega 32X games with better CGI than this film. Whenever a water effect is on screen it looks like someone just took a big shit, especially with the Wayne Brady character.
Now the big one, the writing. The writing is fucking atrocious, it makes the worst of Dreamworks look like Shakespeare. Many of the jokes rely on food puns and sex jokes with a dash of racial humor. There are a lot of whipped cream seamen jokes and chocolate race jokes. Who was the target audience again?
Overall the film is fucking shit, avoid this at all fucking costs, if you show this to your kids they need to be taken away by child services. 0.0/5.0
Despite the film's shittiness Charlie Sheen's performance is actually pretty decent. Sheen voices a talking detective dog who looses his girlfriend. Now that's the end of anything good in this crap. His girlfriend in question is a horrifying abomination voiced by Hillary Duff created by furries who failed their class on computer animation. Then we have his best friend/sidekick, an annoying shitcorn squirrel voiced by Wayne Brady. The squirrel is made of chocolate, which is the target of many race jokes in the film. However the most baffling of them all is Christopher Loyd as the villain, he is quite possibly the most horrifying CGI character in the history of cinema.
Now lets get to the "animation". The animation is the worst I've ever seen in any CGI film, even "Ratatoing" had better animation than this garbage. Now I know this was in development for over a decade but that is no excuse, I've seen seen Sega 32X games with better CGI than this film. Whenever a water effect is on screen it looks like someone just took a big shit, especially with the Wayne Brady character.
Now the big one, the writing. The writing is fucking atrocious, it makes the worst of Dreamworks look like Shakespeare. Many of the jokes rely on food puns and sex jokes with a dash of racial humor. There are a lot of whipped cream seamen jokes and chocolate race jokes. Who was the target audience again?
Overall the film is fucking shit, avoid this at all fucking costs, if you show this to your kids they need to be taken away by child services. 0.0/5.0

Two and a Half Men review

Used to like it, the five star rating is for the original "Sheen" series. Ashton Kutcher is not that funny, the second episode of the reboot is when I stopped watching.

Bob's Burgers review

This show is the best out of Fox's Sunday night lineup, it has the same dialog-driven humor as 'Home Movies' and tends to be not as offensive as the other shows on the lineup.

Cop Dog review

Who the FUCK decided that THIS was a good idea???!?!?

Friday review

Don't hate me, this song is hilarious.

Song of the South review

If you live in the U.S. you will probably never ever see this due to race issues. Disney, and also myself think it's best NOT to show this to young 21st century audiences. It is EXTREMELY dated.
